Semtember 2007

Pom has-beans

Comment by Philip Moore

Bodyline divided the stately game of cricket like nothing before or since. An all-out physical assault geared to destoying the breathtaking talent of one man – Don Bradman. The sport has never forgotten 1932-33.

That was before my time but I watched Ray Illingworth lead his England side off at the SCG during the 1970-71 series after the magnificent fast bowler John Snow was manhandled by a spectator on the boundary. One of the umpires, the stout-hearted Tom Brooks, who died last month aged 82, told Illingworth and the England management to either get back out on the field or they would forfeit the match.

They went back on the field. None off the rubbish we saw in the England-Pakistan series recently.

World Series Cricket, a renegade ‘circus’ split the game as much as bodyline. When peace returned after two turbulent years the man who started it, Kerry Packer, had what he wanted, the TV rights to the game.
Sundry rebel tours of South Africa didn’t do wonders for unity either. Those who played in the racist republic told reporters like me that we “don’t really understand”. I asked some of the rebels if they believed it all so much why didn’t they take pay cuts to go?

For theatre it is hard to go past the Mike Gatting-Shakoor Rana clash in, Faisalabad, 1987.

But Jellygate has to be right up there too. After being flogged 5-0 in the most eagerly-anticipated Ashes series since 1948, then humiliated in the World Cup, topped off by the captain and ‘new Botham’ Andrew Flintoff having to be rescued after tipping over a pedelo, England and new coach Peter Moores decided to get tough.

It depends on who you talk to and who you read for the final tally of the number of jelly beans that were lobbed in the direction of India’s No. 9 batsman, Zaheer Khan.

While there’s something clearly moronic about this, am I the only one who sees what might be – hopefully not - a racist connotation in the jelly bean rubbish? Think of a derogatory word by some to describe Indians – it starts with jelly. It’s obscene and the issue needs clearing up.

I wonder if that’s why Kevin Pietersen was quick to say “you’ve got the wrong bloke mate,” when Khan went off about the jelly beans and waved his bat at Pietersen. Pietersen, originally from South Africa, plays the game hard and wouldn’t want to have his name tainted by such garbage.

So let’s give England the benefit of the doubt. Let’s just say they’re fools. They’re being belted by seven wickets and the only way they can think to win a match is to chuck jelly beans on the pitch as a batsman takes guard.

Michael Vaughan led from the front in the second Test and it’s a pity he didn’t put a lid on the lolly jar too.

It’s clear England are trying to harden their image but the behaviour is questionable to say the least. England lost the second Test at Trent Bridge by seven wickets, and there was justice in the result. A team that lobs foreign objects on the pitch in the hope of distracting a batsman does not deserve to win a match. Remember Ricky Ponting having to pull away from the crease in England’s home Ashes series win? You are actually supposed to allow batsmen to face the bowling unimpeded.

Rather than encouraging errant antics, Vaughan should rein in the latest in a long line of wicket-keepers, Matt Prior, who won’t stop his ridiculous jibberish from behind the stumps. Then there’s Ryan Sidebottom screaming abuse at a batsman for not trying to hook him and the wimpish James Anderson trying to look tough. Vinnie Jones you ain’t sunshine. The theory has been that the Aussies do it, so England should do it too.

Maybe, but remember when Shane Warne told Paul Collingwood what he thought of his ability in the Sydney Test in January?

“You got an MBE right? For scoring 7!” The battler Collingwood scored back-to-back tons and won plenty of respect, including from the great leg spinner.

Anyway, the English and Indian teams have forfeited the right to criticise Australia for unsportsmanlike behaviour.

Make no mistake, India dragged crricket through the gutter in the second Test too, delivering several beam balls and a shoulder charge, the latter offence resulting in paceman Shantha Sreesanth being fined half his match fee for coming into contact with Vaughan. Sreenath’s shameful behaviour was the worst episode of the the series and you have to go back a while to find another as ordinary.

This kind of thing has been brewing for some time. It abated after Colin Croft’s shouldering of an umpire decades ago in New Zealand but jostling and taunting was to the fore when England won the Ashes three years ago. South Africa like it too. Again, no-one shouldered Viv Richards. I don’t recall too much shouldering of Kepler Wessels and no-one in their right mind would have dropped the shoulder into Peter Willey.

It’s actually a pity Willey isn’t still umpiring. Younger players might not be aware that the former England batsman was pretty useful with his hands.
The commentators to a man told Khan that he must have been doing something right for England to bait him and the stupid jelly bean antics backfired in spectacular fashion, when a fired-up quickie returned to claim 5-75 in the second innings in one of his finest spells of swing bowling. The paceman’s efforts paved the way for India to wrap up victory, handing them a 1-0 series lead and an historic Test victory.
“It definitely inspired me to do well,” Khan said. “Obviously someone was chucking [them] from behind on the wicket, which I didn’t like, so I just went up to them and said, ‘Guys, what is this all about, I’m here to play cricket’. So they came at me and I was upset about it and I just reacted accordingly.”

Great stuff from Khan. Pity Sreenath didn’t take a leaf out of his book. The dignified and respected India captain Rahul Dravid needs to be seen to do more to cool the bad blood.

Vaughan has apologised over the jelly bean incident but he remains defiant his players must be allowed to continue sledging, staring people down and generally trying to intimidate.

Yet former umpire John Hampshire told me: “The West Indies at their peak didn’t sledge. They didn’t need to – they just bowled ferociously and bowled you out. They didn’t need to say a word. They’d let you know it if you didn’t walk and you were out, that’s the only time.”
Vaughan takes a different view: “It’s called gamesmanship and I don’t think we’ve said anything untoward. We play tough cricket and that’s what most teams in the world do when playing at this level.

“There were incidents that may have gone over the line but I’m sure it made for great entertainment.”

Vaughan was more concerned, and he definitely had a case, about Sreesanth deliberately overstepping the line by almost three feet as he bowled a bouncer to Collingwood.

“The jelly beans is a great story because it sounds fun. The guys eat jelly beans, jelly babies, chewing gum when the drinks are brought out. I guess one of the players might have left them by the crease as a prank for the new batsman. I can’t speak for why Zaheer was waving his bat because of a jelly bean on the floor. But, if it offended him in any way, we apologise for that.”

It wasn’t quite as simple as that. England’s behaviour is getting worse.
Anderson, fined 50 per cent of his match fee for a shoulder-to-shoulder collision with West Indies ace Runako Morton last month, let fly with a stream of verbals at the Indian batsmen.

Prior’s non-stop yapping became so bad at Lord’s opener Dinesh Karthik pulled away as he was about to face a ball from Monty Panesar just as Ponting did three years ago.Vaughan has ultimate responsibility for his team’s conduct. He was off the field when the jelly beans were dropped.

Collingwood tried to make a joke of it and insisted: “Zaheer wasn’t too pleased. I think he prefers blue jelly beans to the pink ones.”
Sreesanth apologised immediately for his beamer but some people might doubt it was accidental.

Umpire Ian Howell signalled no-ball because full tosses above waist height are not permitted.

Pietersen and Vaughan were involved in a lengthy chat with Indian skipper Rahul Dravid at the end of that over.

Collingwood added: “Beamers do happen. Sreesanth is the only one who knows if he meant it or not but we’ll take it as a mistake. There are no hard feelings.” You sure about that?

I would also have liked to have seen the on-field umpires take a much tougher line. But then I would also have liked Simon Taufel, the world’s number one ranked umpire, not to have given the lbw against Sachin Tendulkar and the caught behind against Sauruv Ganguly. As howlers go, they take some beating. And some still bleat that we don’t want too much technology, that it takes away the tradition and spirit of having the man in the middle. What tradition?

We have idiots screaming filth at opponents and puerile captains and coaches calling it gamesmanship. Fools throw jelly beans at batsmen taking strike, fringe bowlers send down beamers and bowl no-balls from yards down the wicket. The match referee is becoming like a local magistrate on Monday morning, fining thugs for shoulder charging after a wild weekend. But we can’t use more technology because it gets in the way of tradition. Give me a break.

Would any of this have happened under Imran Khan? Richie Benaud? Mike Brearley? The Nawab of Pataudi? Clive Lloyd.